The Kindness of Strangers

Margaret Kardos

This year for Christmas I surprised my daughter, Emily, with tickets for her and I to visit my parents and extended family in the Atlanta area for a short but fun filled 5 days. She was very excited since it had been quite a while since she had seen her grandparents and cousins; we made plans to see many of the sights in the city including the new Aquarium and hoped to squeeze in a trip to Stone Mountain as well. Unfortunately, two days before we were set to go my father had a heart attack and was hospitalized.  Undaunted, we set out on our trip as planned, knowing that we would most likely need to make some adjustments as we went along.

Emily and I spent our days mostly as planned, allocating our time a little bit differently to be able to visit with my father in the hospital each day. As Dad slowly but surely improved it quickly became clear to me that my help would be needed when he came home from the hospital. With that in mind, I made the decision to let my daughter Emily fly home as scheduled by herself from Atlanta to Hartford.  For most 20 year-olds this would be nothing to be concerned about, except for the fact that Emily has a developmental disability. I kept telling myself that everything would be just fine; reminding myself of all of her friends with similar disabilities who fly back and forth between summer camps, grandparents and parents routinely. Emily was thrilled at the prospect of her first plane ride ALONE.

In preparation, I did my homework and went to the Delta website to read up on flying with a disability. I became mildly concerned when I did not see a category for accommodating a person with a developmental disability. There were “How To” instructions for mobility needs, wheelchair assistance, transporting service dogs, flying with oxygen, bringing your own wheelchair, hearing impairment and visual impairment to name a few, but nothing for intellectual disability.  As I searched through Delta’s website I came across a category labeled “Airport Assistance” under the information about accessibility. There was the information I had been searching for, the “fine print” as one might call it; “We provide connecting flight assistance for ambulatory individuals who may need help from one departure gate to another.” That’s us!!! I thought. Emily would be flying non-stop; my plan was to accompany her myself through the Atlanta airport up to the boarding gate of the plane and then to have someone from Delta escort her to the baggage area where she would meet her father after the plane landed.  Since her Dad was recovering from knee surgery, having him make the trip through the airport up to the gate to meet her as she deplaned was something that we were trying to avoid if possible. Quite honestly, I believed Emily capable of finding her own way to the baggage area since Bradley Airport in Hartford, CT is very small and she can read and communicate very well, but sometimes the anxiety of “firsts” can get her a bit off-track.

With my plan of attack outlined, I contacted the Delta reservations office several days prior to her departure as instructed on the website. The phone was answered by a woman who, due to language differences, was not able to understand what my request was exactly. Next I was transferred to a woman in Salt Lake City who was able to understand me quite well, but unfortunately was not really able to help me. The first problem that I encountered was that of semantics; the terms developmental disability and intellectual disability were clearly foreign to this person so I shifted gears and resorted to “mild mental retardation” in order to get my point across, stating that all the help that was needed was an escort from the plane down the hall and through the terminal to the baggage claim area.  The Salt Lake City representative, whom I must say was extremely nice, told me “We don’t have a service for something like that." The “that” undoubtedly was meeting the needs of a person with an intellectual disability. When I read to her from the Delta website the statement regarding the provision of assistance for ambulatory individuals who might need help, she stated that that type of assistance would be for someone who (for example) was elderly and not able to get through the terminal under his/her own power. In that case, she explained, Delta could provide the person with a ride in a cart to where they needed to go. I think that as we talked the Salt Lake City representative began to see the inequity in what she had to offer and suggested somewhat sheepishly that I could go ahead and order Emily a wheelchair and that way she would be escorted to the baggage area. While I must admit that I have often chosen the “any port in a storm” option as a remedy to bumps along the road in life, this was not one of those times.

Ironically, Delta offers services to children as young as 5 years old who are flying alone.  The website boasts “How can children ages 5 to14 fly by themselves? With a lot of help from us.” By clicking on the link to learn more, the following message is displayed: “We’re committed to making your child’s flight an exciting experience and a safe one. We provide special services for children who are flying by themselves.” Clearly they need to finish the statement by adding “as long as the child does not have a disability.”  I played this angle as my last card with the Salt Lake City representative; clearly I realized that my daughter by virtue of her age would not be considered an unaccompanied child, but this was the port in the storm that I would be comfortable taking. While she indicated that my daughter was not considered a child, she did agree to make a notation in the computer on my daughter's reservation that should enable me to check in with her and accompany her to the gate.  That same notation should also enable my husband to check in at the Delta counter in Hartford and obtain a pass to limp to the gate to meet her as she got off the plane, something that we had hoped to avoid (in retrospect I should have ordered him the wheelchair).

Emily and I arrived at the Atlanta airport in plenty of time to make her departure. I went up to the Delta ticket counter and asked the woman who was working there where I would go to pick up a pass to accompany my daughter to the departure gate. Rather than just answering me she looked at Emily and then back at me and inquired “How old is she?” “Twenty” I replied. She then proceeded to do an exaggerated head to toe scan of my daughter, shifting her gaze back to me continuing “And WHY would she need you to accompany her?” “Because she has mental retardation” I replied. I assumed that if she was ill-informed enough about life to ask such a question she would have no clue what was meant by the term “intellectual disability” and at this point I was tired of blazing this trail. Without flinching she directed me around the corner to another line.

I was able to check in without further incident and accompanied Emily on and off the tram through the massive airport to the departure gates. Once there, we made our way to the food court where she went by herself to one station to get pizza while I went to another to get a sandwich. While I waited for my order, I stood and watched as she gave her order, got her food, paid the cashier and waited for her change. I pondered the reality of being an everyday person with a disability, not a super star who occasionally pops up as a poster child in the media, but rather just an ordinary individual living from day to day in our society. For those people who don’t have to be confronted with true issues of accessibility and the need for accommodations, we appear as a society to have taken care of our own, creating an awareness of civil rights and enacting laws like the Americans with Disabilities Act and the Rehabilitation Act of 1973. Unfortunately, the reality is that there is a lack of disability awareness on the part of people who operate on a “need to know” basis, and it may very well be that one who does know can end up seeking assistance from someone who doesn’t know that they needed to know what they don’t know. You know? 

There are certain situations in life when it does not matter how old you are or how much you may have accomplished; you are still a child in the eyes of your parents, and you know when you do not have their approval. I am referring to myself here and to the reaction that I got when I told my parents that I was going to let Emily fly home alone. My mother held it together on the outside, but I knew that the rosary beads would be getting a major workout. My father, on the other hand let me know exactly how he felt; and he was not in favor of my decision; I knew this was one of those times when there was no room for wiggle, let alone error. After all of my planning and preparedness to get Emily home safely, I still had one more ace up my sleeve, I planned to rely on the kindness of strangers. While waiting for the plane to arrive I noticed that the flight crew had assembled to board the plane. I told Emily to come with me and walked over to the crew member who looked most like she could be the mother of a 20 year old and introduced us. I casually explained that Emily would be flying alone for the first time but that she was ready for the adventure and shared that her father would be at the gate at the other end to pick her up. The flight attendant’s name was Karen and she welcomed Emily warmly, taking her over to a small group of co-workers and introducing her. A short time later Karen came over to where we were waiting and asked Emily if she would like to board the plane with the crew, going ahead of the other passengers. Emily could barely contain her excitement, eagerly accepting her offer.  She said good-bye to me and hurried off with the crew, thoroughly enjoying every minute of her VIP status.  When she arrived safely at her destination she reversed the process, staying with the crew, coming off with them at the very end. Her father was waiting for her at the gate; Emily, true to her nature now knew each crew members name and introduced them all to her father. The last person off of the jetway was the captain who called out to Emily by name telling her that she had done a great job and that she was welcome to fly on his plane any time.

Yes, in the United States we are fortunate to have civil rights laws to ensure equality for people who have disabilities, but in reality it may be the kindness of strangers that we end up relying on to actually gets things accomplished. Thanks, Karen.

 

Muncie is the editor of ConnSENSEBulletin.

© 2006 ConnSENSE Bulletin